Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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