You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Congratulations! We have a period
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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