what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
