YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
