is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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