maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
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I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
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answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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