nut hugger
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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