My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
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You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
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Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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