Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize