My balls are so social today.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
