Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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