The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
