If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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