I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
