does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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