I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
