I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
