you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
