If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
