i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
why do cheetos always look like penises
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
