She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
