i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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