that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
