I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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