YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
