I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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