that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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