i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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