I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
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