I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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