my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My ass is underappreciated
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
