Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
