Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
