Walk of Shame. In a state park.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
