I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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