this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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