I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
