A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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