I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
