Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(713): View more from Texas

I looked at my own cervix.

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(713): I looked at my own cervix. http://tfl.nu/c8go

Replies (24) Good night (1006) Bad night (2893)
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(302): View more from Delaware

Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?

(1-302): View more from Delaware

That's okay, it's all protein anyway.

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(302): Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!? (1-302): That's okay, it's all protein anyway. http://tfl.nu/dhny

Replies (68) Good night (3778) Bad night (938)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel

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(336): There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel http://tfl.nu/7mru

Replies (16) Good night (953) Bad night (3493)
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(512): View more from Texas

We need to rekindle our bromance

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(512): We need to rekindle our bromance http://tfl.nu/aprz

Replies (48) Good night (8812) Bad night (1512)
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(207): View more from Maine

She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.

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(207): She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird. http://tfl.nu/49lo

Replies (20) Good night (7880) Bad night (2217)
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(214): View more from Texas

What do you think it is?

(615): View more from Tennessee

It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.

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(214): What do you think it is? (615): It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow. http://tfl.nu/3ng4

Replies (12) Good night (5284) Bad night (1822)
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(406): View more from Montana

you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday

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(406): you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday http://tfl.nu/fxk1

Replies (4) Good night (799) Bad night (1497)
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(318): View more from Louisiana

I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.

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(318): I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world. http://tfl.nu/vb5k

Replies (4) Good night (1193) Bad night (573)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"

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(864): I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY" http://tfl.nu/isd1

Replies (7) Good night (1953) Bad night (575)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.

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(603): Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up. http://tfl.nu/6dgm

Replies (2) Good night (909) Bad night (847)
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(916): View more from California

Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?

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(916): Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night? http://tfl.nu/oh7z

Replies (5) Good night (1962) Bad night (796)
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(601): View more from Mississippi

It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.

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(601): It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you. http://tfl.nu/yyx4

Replies (4) Good night (648) Bad night (452)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09

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(306): almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09 http://tfl.nu/v4ok

Replies (4) Good night (1228) Bad night (402)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.

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(304): You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard. http://tfl.nu/xmly

Replies (0) Good night (512) Bad night (342)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap

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(615): Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap http://tfl.nu/hboz

Replies (0) Good night (444) Bad night (258)

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