Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape