I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
