I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
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if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
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I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like