Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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