But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..