well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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