And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
