Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize