at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
