you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
