If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
