he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
