Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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