Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
