I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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