his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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