I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
