So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
