i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
