youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
