dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
