He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
