I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
