I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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