you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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