His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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