Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
