you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize