So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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