Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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