one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
